So, here I am, again, at a hotel internet.... ahhh, I do love this feeling. That it is in English and the keyboard works is gravy. The major obstacle so far was the plane flight and sitting next to a stinky garlic guy... you know that smell, right? we have a lot of it in Santa Cruz, that pungent hippie odor, well, it was seriously overwhelming, I felt nauseated. And honestly it took me a couple of hours to figure out what it was and where it was coming from. I tried giving the guy some gum, but that didn't help, it was oozing out of his body! So nearly in tears, I talked to the stewardess and she knew this guy from her own experience of the smell of him! She compassionately moved me to a wonderful aisle exit row. I shall have to remember this technique in the future for a better seat!

Upon landing in Beijing, I finally made it to my friends Michelle and Thomas' house. Again, with the challenge that most of the people do not read our letters and I of course can't read theirs. I had met Michelle and Thomas in Malawi many years ago, so it was wonderful catching up. They have lived in China for 2 years, Thomas works for Nokia. Before China, they lived in India for 2 years. They are English and great folks and travelers. We went out for dinner one night... Chinese food you ask? and "NO WAY" I say... we went for Ethiopian! yummy. The only restaurant of its kind here evidently. I love Ethiopian food and this was good, but really it was the restaurant which was so beautiful and the dancing! I thought I had seen most of African dance, but no sir-ee, this was weird stuff... popping and snapping of the shoulders and neck, like chickens on meth or something. Very cool. I spent a couple of nights there and today moved to a hotel to meet up with my friend Jun. She and her fiance are here and we fly tomorrow to her home town down south. That is where I will be going into the mental hospital to film and interview... I hope... she seems to think it is a go, she filed an application for it and everything. I have to say, it is sooooo nice being here with her! Obviously she speaks both the languages needed (English and Chinese) but also she is such a joy with her struggles, questions, curiosity and humor. She has a unique perspective on cultural issues, the overlap and differences, the good and the bad. I am grateful. I also am feeling good; minimal jet lag, body, mind and spirit on a an even keel. The weather however, is atrocious!!! horrible overcast rain The smog is gross, heavy, depressing.... ugh. I do hope it is better when we get to a "small" town... whatever that is here.

I finally met up with Jun and her Russian jewish fiance at a reasonable hotel and we went out for the usual totally bizarre food like sea cucumber, goose intestines and chicken feet. The next day we caught an ex military plane to Changsa in the south and Jun's parents (who both work for the government) picked us up in a huge black SUV with our very own mafia looking driver. A 3 hour drive brings us to her home town, just a tiny village of 7 million, or something crazy like that. A green, humid, hazy, rather hilly place. Immediately we are taken to a very fancy private party room and meet all the family to eat gobs of food, drink and toast a gazillion times. The deal is to honor, then say bottoms up! and chug the wine or beer... yes, chugging wine... after a few, the men and I smoke our cigs and I show everyone how to roll the American Spirit... much fun had by all. I am then dropped off at an incredible hotel where nobody speaks English but wow, nice. Since Jun's father works for the government, everything is covered. It does feel strange to be totally spoiled by the Communist Regime. In the morning I have my breakfast of rice soup, dumplings, noodles, hard boiled egg and of course, since I am American, they bring me a glass of milk. There is no point in trying to explain that I am lactose intolerant.

I have also been watching the one and only English speaking TV station and it is really interesting. A lot about Tea, Chinese history, Arts and Science, etc. One story was about the "angry youth", which are conservative, nationalistic young folks who are sick of hearing all the criticism about China... truly, a fascinating place. The hotel staff gave up their office just to let me use their computer. Being a guest of a government official has its perks. We are waiting to file our application again, to get into the hospital. I have to promise to not use the video on the internet and perhaps other restrictions. Jun and I went to get a massage. The chairs are lined up so folks can visit while being worked on. They begin with soaking your feet in herbs and while you soak they massage and pressure point your head. 2 cute young boys by the way, and the massage is done fully clothed and they use a cloth, not oil. Then back to the feet, ouch... serious pressure points and then they use these heated jars to suck out all the toxins. After the massage we went to refill our toxins with beer and pizza and practicing English with Jun's niece. Her uncle runs a tea house so we got to do a ceremony which is not complicated like the Japanese one, pretty down to earth and pleasant.

The next day is the news I had been waiting for.... I GOT IN!! ok, so they take all my information, the head of propaganda photographs me constantly, reviews my nursing license and I have an entourage following us around, but I got 2 interviews, one with the head of finance and the nuts and bolts of the hospital then another on the women's unit with the head psychiatrist. They would not allow me to see the patients or their rooms, or even activity rooms or the pharmacy, which is unfortunate but hey, I am amazed we got as far as we did. We got a call after we left that said they regretted the interview and they thought the hospital looked shabby. I tried to pass on how impressed and grateful I was to all of them. I will not spend time now letting you know all they said, I will admit though, that I laid awake worrying that my hotel door would crash in with people wanting my footage back. I have been extra paranoid because I realized the computer I was using at the hotel not only saved my name but also my password! Which meant that for over 24 hours anyone had access to all my mail, etc.... not good.... shall await the repercussions if any. Currently I am on Jun's computer at her house.

After the hospital interview we went to meet another millionaire friend of Jun's family. We search and search for the place and finally end up at this half built ridiculously modern building still reeking of glue and dust flying about, current construction underway and swear to god... it is a blaring techno disco! "Boom Boom" it was appropriately called. I was nearly hysterical laughing! So here we are with Jun's cute little mom, the lights flashing, the music pounding, smoke machines blowing, the young boys and girls show dancing on the counters to some strange story in English about aliens! Jun's mom was trying to dance along. And as always ... there is food. I do not know how these people stay so small! I swear we eat non stop all day long! I was excited about the lobster Jun wanted to get us, I thought yay! something I really like... but no, after we met the poor fella alive, he was chopped up raw and served sashimi style. Earlier that day the soup was turtle and scorpion, oh yes, the black spiny guy, full view in your soup. Tomorrow we leave for the airport town, stay the night, and I fly out on Friday to Chengdu.... which is where I arrange all the Lhasa tour part.... again, we shall see how that goes. But so far, so good. And again, I cannot say enough about the hospitality of Jun's family. Her father is like a mayor or assistant mayor here and considered a big wig. Last evening on the way home there was a sobriety check point and the driver of our car says "are you crazy!? do you know who this car belongs to?!" and we were waved on. They have completely supported my stay here yet they are humble in their home, adore their daughter and bend over backwards to please. Perhaps it is unfair or unjust... but doesn't that happen everywhere? While in Jun's hometown of Changzou, we desperately tried to find some Nature. We went on a day trip to a nearby cave with her uncle and his friend, a car salesman. The cave was huge and had a river running through it. It was beautiful but unfortunately ruined by the large Chinese tour group in front of us with their bullhorn! And the men who can't read the signs that say "No Smoking"! Jun and I got into an argument about saving Nature versus succeeding in business or having lots of children. She has changed, she used to want to help the world. Now she openly admits she just wants to be "a parasite".

I left Jun and her family and flew to Chengdu to try and get a permit to go to Tibet. I have been in Chengdu for 3 days now, currently on my 4th and have spent every day dealing with crap to try to get to Tibet. Honestly, if I didn't have presents to deliver I would probably skip it and just go to nearby areas that are reportedly more Tibetan anyway and much less hassle. The issue is that with the upcoming Chinese holiday, celebrating 60 years of Communist rule, everything has become even more strict because of the risk of protests by the Tibetans. Finally I was able to fax off my request today. Everyone must have an approved guide with them every day, nearly every moment, that they are in Tibet, which makes things quite expensive and complicated. It also means that approval is slow to say the least. Plus, there was confusion because they thought I wanted to trek the entire time and hire a "Yak and Yak man"! Which I do not because I am way too out of shape to trek at all! Give me the drive by tour if you please! For now the plan is to leave the 19th to Lhasa and then return to Beijing on the 26th (then home on the 30th). This is about half the time I wanted to spend in Tibet. If all is approved, a big "IF", I will be in Lhasa 4 days then go north to see a lake, mountains, monasteries, nunneries, hot springs, caves, etc. for 3 days. And forget going by the infamous train! this adds even more time to the process! so I will fly and hope I don't get altitude sickness on top of everything else. I am traveling alone because it is too much trouble for me to try to find companions and this too adds to the cost. I have also requested that my guide and accommodation are Tibetan and wonder if this too has slowed the process.

While here in Chengdu I have seen the Pandas, the "Woo-Hoo" temple (that is my spelling) and visited the Tibetan street they have here and ate Yak stew. The problem with this waiting period is that I don't feel comfortable leaving to go somewhere else in case there is some problem that needs to be dealt with. So here I sit... with the rain, rain , rain.... I have not seen the sun in 2 weeks and can't remember what a shadow looks like. What am I doing here? I might ask... but don't want to because that might end me up permanently inside the mental hospital rather than just for a brief interview. So there you have it... for all those who dream of coming here.... don't bother... unless you organize it all from home (which I couldn't since I didn't know my schedule) or just go to India, Nepal or western China... which as I've mentioned is more "Tibetan" anyway. I apologize for sounding so negative and do so hope I get to say "it was worth it".

After my yucky email yesterday I went for a massage. Took me a bit to find it, seriously it seems not only does no one speak English, but they also don't read it... "pinyen" it's called... anyway, I did find this tiny little place with about 8 tables all lined up in a row and folks being massaged, fully clothed again. So I stand there and finally this guy waves me in and I am wondering why he is looking above my head but don't think much of it... then I kinda wonder why this other guy has sunglasses on... when I get called over to my table my girl has her eyes shut tight and that is when it dawns on me that they are all blind! It was not such a great massage but my little lady was so sweet! They do a lot of pressure points and overall I felt better. Then I went to see a Sichuan Opera at a huge "tea house".... really fascinating! They had dancing, music and singing which was OK, but it was the hand shadow dancing that I really liked... and then this amazing "face changing" where like magic they shift the colors of their masks! also the puppetry was good and they even had a skit which was still funny even if I couldn't understand what they were saying. All in all a good day. And still I wait...I don't want to leave town for somewhere else until I know I have been approved and can purchase my plane tickets. So, today, what to do? the weather is slightly better so I may go to an outdoor market...my days are running into each other... I shuffle around here in the morning in my jammies drinking crappy coffee and listening to the fountain in the garden... really it is a nice hostel and relaxing ... thank god.... or whomever might be paying attention.

Today is Thursday the 17th of September in the year of our Lord 2009. I have been here7 days... a lucky number? Yesterday I went with Kevin an English/German young fella to Peng Le, and old town on a river, a very stinky river... and saw a bunch of stalls, architecture, farm land, yawn! but OK, a day out. So then I thought I would do my laundry and watch movies on my DVD (yes, my room has a DVD player) but of course it didn't work... so I wait for it to be fixed and ponder the haze and start to plan an alternative to Tibet. Then a knock on the door and BAM! I have my permit!!!!! ok, so now what? ah yes, flights.... try to do it on the internet... but no, they won't allow it to Lhasa (of course not), so now I have to be able to pull out enough cash to pay for everything at once! . no go at the bank.... blah, blah, blah.... chuckle, tears of irony and frustration and we shall see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully the bank will let me pull out cash and hopefully Cameron can contact my bank in the U.S. to OK it... and hopefully hopefully hopefully it all unfolds as it needs to.... dear Universe.... let me let it happen as it is supposed to because what I have tried to learn AGAIN... is that if I do not stir the pot, and just let it flow, it will unfold and I can choose to be grateful for what it is.... and not what I think I want. As it is, I fly out Saturday for Lhasa......I think.... and for now, I write you my dear friends and family, and let you know that we are damn lucky for our bureacracies because they are amazingly simpler than what happens here... I have stories to tell of travelers, but I don't want to do it now because there are indeed eyes and ears in all the walls and screens.... let it suffice to say that blood still flows for freedom.

To hell with the Big Dipper roller coaster at the Boardwalk! you know how I screamed? well, today has that beat hands down. The morning started with my 1/2 pot of French press coffee to get things moving, although that really isn't necessary these days. Then the shower and wander down to the reception/travel desk which is always packed, to start my days adventure. I walk to the Bank of China and "no" they can't change travelers checks or cash or credit card withdrawal and my debit card is already maxed out for the days withdrawal.... sooooo, I start to freak.... and catch a little mo-ped guy to the bigger bank downtown... he takes me on all back roads to avoid the police which he says in broken English that if they stop us I am to get off and walk and pretend I don't know him... we make it and the sweetheart says he will wait for me. Here, at this bank they at least change my travelers checks and cash, the wee bit that I had... still not enough though because everything has to be paid for by cash. During all of this the love of my life, man of my dreams, amazing support dude... Cameron... is trying to contact my bank in the U.S. to see if they will up my withdrawal limit. He puts up with my tears and hysteria in stellar form and somehow finds a PIN number for my other credit card which I had never used nor had to use.... then, I wait... because the office says the travel office for my plane tickets will come by and let me use a credit card for my plane tickets which would then leave me just barely enough cash for the rest of the tour.... I wait, and wait and wait and they are over an hour late.... get here and realize they can't run a U.S. card... so I cry again..... my savior "Jodie", the English name for my Chinese helper decides to walk to the bank again with me and see what is up with doing a cash withdrawal on my credit card which was denied before and LO! with the new PIN number and her good energy... cash just keeps coming out over and over and over because by this time I am a little crazy about it all and end up with a good 3 inches worth of 100 Yuan notes! So, I am able to pay for my flights and my tour in Lhasa, all about 10,000 Yuan (approx. $1500) and now am writing you and drinking an almost "bing pijou" (cold beer, most important words in Chinese). Even though I paid for a rush delivery of my permit to Tibet it has not arrived yet and we hope for 8PM.... another hurdle.... and IF it comes I get to leave tomorrow at 6AM for the airport and confront the next of the never ending stream of challenges. The police have been here twice today to check everything out... and I suspect that will be an ongoing issue if not more so on the other end. And again I ask if it will be worth it all... and can only answer that yes if I like stories like these to relay to you because at this point I just want to come home and yell at my bank and wonder in awe at that golden orb in the sky and laugh and play with that shadow as it dances a jig of gratitude to be on familiar soil, albeit with it's own issues, but at least ones I know.

An early morning, a long wait on the runway, again rain,rain, smog, clouds and finally I see sun when we are above the clouds... then we land... and there are my wonderful, adorable driver and guide waiting for me with a scarf,water and smiles! I burst into tears!!! the sun, the mountains, the perfect temperature, the fluffy white clouds, the green river, the buddhas, the flags, the peace and quiet.... I am still pinching myself! Granted there is a tremendous amount of growth going on here, row after row of chinese stalls, but still.... I can't believe I am here. My little hostel is smack in the middle of the Tibetan town, near everything and on my roof, I can see 360 degrees of mountains and sky and touch the clouds and there, right there ! is the Potala Palace!!! wow. wow. wow. So far I am handling the altitude (over 11,000 feet), a little giddy and am taking this chinese herb to help with this... but the belches are horrendous, the beer is helping so far, we shall see if it ends up just knocking me out. My guide says we have no problem meeting and distributing gifts to those contacts I have... tonight I hope... and the hostel is beautiful! brand new Tibetan style with incense and decor right up my alley.... it really happened.... I did not get here gracefully I'm afraid.... but here I am puffy eyed and grateful.

Man o man o man, this place is incredible, mystical, magical, it is also swarming with military decked out in riot gear and guns with bayonets, marching around everywhere even in the kora's (pilgrim paths) around monasteries; a bizarre juxtaposition with the little old ladies twirling their prayer wheels. I have seen sooooo many monasteries! but really they are fantastic. Dark, old, covered with ancient paintings and statues of every friggin' kinda buddha and teacher and whatever the hell else they are, and people doing a gazillion prostrations everywhere and always the smoke and smell of yak butter and incense burning and I mean by the ton! I am blessed that my lovely hotel is smack in the center of the old Tibetan town and I can walk everywhere and still come back for a decent toilet break. I of course went to the Potala, and yes it is historically heavy. I just got interrupted by another family member recipient of the presents I have delivered and they all want to feed me! I am about to explode on yak "mom's"! (little dumplings). I have met all the families of my Tibetan friends in the States and tonight we go to see "typical" Tibetan dance. Today I saw a big group of monks arguing about the scriptures, famous here and packed with tourists, so I have a nice mix of touristy stuff and typical local stuff. My sweet guide is a young Tibetan girl, Tselhamo, 20 years old and we bum around like sisters doing whatever we want (well, almost, given the heavy military presence). Today I got to ride a bus with her and the police stopped it to check everyone, it was a little creepy

It seems I have reached the age where singing sounds like screaming and I have to put toilet paper in my ears! There was a lot less dancing than I had hoped for. It was a large strange place, but I was the only "fer-ner" . During the singing the audience gets on stage and puts a white scarf around the performers neck, has their picture taken and all the while the screaming, I mean singing goes on. There was some dancing which was ok I guess. Today I go to the Tibetan hospital and see about the herbal treatments. Tomorrow off to Nam Tso lake, hot springs, caves, a nunnery. Should be nice and the altitude goes up to 15,000 or so feet, we are bringing oxygen just in case. I also just heard that they have shut off giving permits to come here, so I guess the trouble was worth it. I made it, just barely. I like to try pizza wherever I go, just out of curiosity, so I had a "Hawaiian" pizza yesterday. There was no ham, it was Yak meat! and not so tasty. I also tried their Barley beer, which was really good, kinda tart. I have enjoyed it here and now it's time to go. You know how you start to notice the little things like man these toilet paper rolls are small, the toilet doesn't flush well, the bed is really hard and didn't they serve this same food yesterday and the day before and the day before that? and my they are a bit overly ingratiating, etc, etc...

Let's see... last I wrote I was on my way to Nam Tso lake which is north of here about a 4 hour drive. On the way we stopped at Yambaje, a huge hot spring! you can see the billows of steam from far away. Of course they had changed the natural way of it into about 5 huge pools, but honestly it was fabulous. You could move from tub to tub to get different herb additions like rose petals and saffron. There were only a couple of Chinese guys there and of course one wanted to compete with me in an underwater swim. I opted out and just applauded his amazing skill. They also served hard boiled eggs cooked over the steam. Then onto the lake which is supposedly the largest high altitude salt water lake in the world. It reminds you a bit of Lake Tahoe with the turquoise blue water surrounded by snowcapped mountains. But it is not so built up as Tahoe. Instead there are these quonset hut type buildings lined up and this is where you sleep and eat. There are generators at night so you get a wee bit of electricity until 10pm. No running water, and the one and only group toilet is , yes, the hole in the ground, pwewy. The food is cooked over a fire at the family we stayed with, and guess what it is .... ahhh, you got it! Yak meat which we bought from the back of a truck hacked off the dead body. The family had a new baby. She was so cute and quiet and wore pajamas with the butt split open... guess it is better to have it fly around then to add to the garbage with diapers. Now the lake of course is spectacular and we walked all the way around the peninsula jutting into it, called Tashi Do. There is a monastery and billions and billions of bright flags flapping in the wind off of every peak, rock and tree. We met one monk who has been living in a cave here for 15 years! There are also many of the prayer wheels you walk by and spin saying your "om mani padme hum" ... and of course the many pilgrims walking with their hand held prayer wheels or beads. Honestly, there is so much praying going on I can see how this culture has gotten very little else done. On the other hand, if one is so busy praying, it leaves little time for bombing, robbing, raping the land, etc.

I did not sleep well and don't know if that was because of the incessant barking of dogs, generators, altitude, freezing cold, bed bugs or the bad gas the dinner gave me. But the morning finally came and we left to drive to another monastery I read in Lonely Planet was worth the stop called Reting. Over incredibly bad roads, all rocks and gravel and holes, not the worst I've been on, but pretty bad, we finally made it. Gross. That is all I can say. I don't know what LP was thinking! This monastery, granted, is famous for having about 3 of the 14 Dalai Lamas chosen from this area and because it was nearly destroyed during the Cultural Revolution but seriously.... disgusting! dirty, worn down... not Holy ground if you ask me! and when I just HAD to go to the toilet, again a simple wooden hole, three of the hundreds of wild dogs that infest this country jumped down in the hole to eat my fresh deposit! I thought I was going to peuk! Well that horrible stop caused us to add five more hours of nearly impassable roads to get to my next LP recommendation, Tildrum nunnery with the hot springs. Over and over bumping, sliding, curvy, pot holed dirt paths we go, true, the scenery was lovely with mountains and the river and the yaks, goats, sheep, horses, the old stone houses with bright doors and stupas with flags and scarves, and even the nomadic brown tents (not like yurts at all!, way simpler).... so on and on we go and I am thinking how is it I always seem to end up on these routes with no other travelers? Out in the middle of friggin' nowhere? when lo and behold as we are trying to get through yet another rocky river where the "road" has washed away... we get stuck! ah yes, again, this also seems to happen to me a lot. And of course it chooses to not just rain, but hail at this moment! Now, not only do I have my little 20 year old translator/guide but little old me also has 2 drivers so they can take turns.... and here they are without their shoes trying to dig us out! Then they try to tie a prayer scarf to another truck so it can pull us out! a prayer scarf for God or Buddha's sake!!!! I tell Tselamo (my guide) that this will never work and we must find a real rope or chain... so we go off searching while the boys mess around with scarves... and we find one! and it worked and we got out... brains over braun any day! and I told Tselamo "note to self, never go on a road trip without a rope and jumper cables, extra tire, water, flashlight"... the list went on and she smiles and nods.... these are a sweet people, always smiling.

Finally we get to Tildrum, exhausted. This nunnery is shoved between two mountains and again, covered in flags and scarves. We load up my stuff and start down and up the stairs to get to the accommodation and on the way I am getting more and more disgusted... I mean mounds of garbage! everywhere! and feces everywhere! and then the rooms are so filthy and stinky! and the supposed hot springs are full of trash and brave local people bathing... I was ready to scream and cry by now.... and I said "no way"... and explained that for me with my gut history, to stay here or get in that water was suicide. And again... this is no way to treat "holy ground"!!!! I have seen a lot of poverty in my time and stayed in some very basic places, but nothing, nowhere, has been like this... So we left. And drove back to Lhasa. Even the drive was pushing it... windy roads, the drivers smoking non stop, being stopped at police check stations every few miles for nothing... seriously, they say "OK, you have to be at the next check point at such and such a time or you are speeding" and so everybody speeds, then stops on the side of the road to smoke and pee and wait for their time, then drive through the next check point! maybe a nice idea to control speeding, but obviously it does not work. And it hailed again, and the lightening, and the traffic... on and on it went testing the miniscule patience and tolerance I thought I used to have. And perhaps I just don't have any anymore... perhaps I am done with this sort of travel... perhaps it is time for me to go on cruises and organized tours... so be it, I am ready... at least, I must say, in this moment.

Most people don't go the route I did, most go to Mt. Everest base camp and then back or on to Kathmandu. I hear the road is good but takes three days and of course is packed with tourists. I didn't have time to do that route and I usually like to avoid tourists... well I did... and really I thought it would be OK since the Lonely Planet said it would be! there goes that love/hate relationship I have with that book again... but I can say, as always, there is a story to tell... how dull would it be to say "gee, rode in a nice car, perfect road, clean hotel, lovely mountain, lots of folks in gortex taking photos"?